positive parenting

6 Simple Positive Parenting Techniques To Try Today

positive parenting techniques

Learn the definition of positive parenting and positive parenting techniques that you can use for parenting in your home.

Positive parenting is an approach I chose for our family when my first child was about 2 years old. Before I read about and started implementing the positive parenting approach, we used the time out in the bedroom method and we let our kiddo cry it out at bedtime.

Heartbreaking.  I feel ashamed as a mother that I started my parenting journey this way.

But, we quickly turned things around when I realized that negative actions only made my child more angry and defiant and he started to respond positively to calm, gentle, positive parenting.

It may seem like a no brainer that positive over negative parenting will win, but if that thought is not even in mind, you’re probably not even realizing that your parenting method may be negative. Enjoy these peaceful parenting tricks that will help keep the peace in your home.

More Tips On Positive Parenting

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What Is Positive Parenting?

Positive parenting is highly focused on creating a strong relationship with children and parents bonded with mutual respect and communication. When using the positive parenting approach, you not only define the rule but you also explain why that rule is important.

When the positive parenting approach is used, children do not obey orders based on fear of punishment but because they understand why they need to perform the task at hand and its importance.

Parents who use this approach layout rules and consequences and often discuss them with their children. Most importantly, any consequences that are discussed should be followed through.

I do wish we were more consistent in my family on this aspect of positive parenting, however, my husband and I aren’t always on the same page for discipline and so this can become a problem once in a while, but also, something we are working on.

One of the most important aspects of positive parenting is actively listening to the children. Trying to understand their thoughts so you can better understand the reason behind their actions and correct any behaviour issues from the core.

This is one of my hardest struggles with my 5-year-old because he does not yet know how to communicate his thoughts, so trying to figure out his feelings is a puzzle. But we try and we carry on as best we can.

Benefits Of Positive Parenting

Positive parenting helps children love themselves and develop self-discipline through the loving guidance of the parent. Children respond to gentle guidance rather than punishments and threats and therefore positive parenting is the most effective form of discipline.

Here are some of the benefits of positive parenting :

  1. Understanding Of Feelings And Dealing With Big Emotions
  2. Stronger Relationships With Family And Friends
  3. Happier Families Who Understand And Respect Each Other
  4. Better Behaviour Overall
  5. Reduced Tantrums In Younger Children
  6. Successful Kids And Well Rounded Adults

And so many more!

Using positive parenting strategies in your day to day parenting results in raising some pretty awesome kids who will likely call you often when they leave home because your relationship is that strong.

I cannot stress the power of this type of parenting.

Many mistake the words “positive parenting” to be pushover parenting, or giving in to kids and giving them whatever they want in order to keep a happy relationship.

Unfortunately, that is wrong information and positive parenting is much deeper and discipline is encouraged – just in a different way.

6 Tips To Implement Positive Parenting

1. Regulating Your Own Reactions

Children copy your behaviour, so if you can regulate your reaction in a positive and calm way, your children will be able to see that this is the right way to handle situations.  If you are constantly flying off the handle and yelling, your kids will yell back at you. I know how difficult it is to not get angry sometimes when your children continue behaviour that is defiant.

My trick is to turn away from my child and take a deep breath. Remind myself that this child is just a child and he does not know much better, I need to teach him how to handle his emotions.

Then I can calmly turn back around, smile gently and have a calm chat about the situation.

Related: How To Remain Calm When You Feel Like Lashing Out

2. Treat Your Children How You Wish They Would Treat Themselves

The way that you talk to your child will greatly affect the way that your child will talk to themselves. If you use harsh punishment and harsh words, then your child’s inner voice will have the same tone.

If you discipline your children harshly, they will never learn proper self – discipline. Research Gate states that harsh punishment results in worse behaviour.

So basically, if you are constantly punishing your child in a negative way, they will learn to talk to themselves negatively, act out harder and essentially never learn self-discipline.

3. Say YES Instead Of NO, Even When You Mean NO.

Children are likely to respond positively to a request if the request is made gently. If you can find a way to say yes even when you really mean no, your children will see the yes as a positive instead of negative and be more compliant.

For example: “Yes it is time to get off the computer and Yes you can definitely play more games on it tomorrow. Yes, you can leave your game on and come right back to it later. Yes, you can be upset about it and Yes if we hurry and put on our pj’s we can squeeze in an extra book at bedtime.”

Getting away from the negative NO can be lifechanging for your family. See this article for more information on the power of saying YES instead of NO. This can be one of the most challenging positive parenting techniques because it really requires a shift in mindset, but with some practice, it does get easier.

Related: Ways Of Saying YES Instead Of NO

4. Avoid Time Outs

Timeouts are a form of banishment and are most definitely a negative parenting approach.

They cause the child to feel humiliated and small. Not only do time outs deteriorate the relationship between you and your child, but they also don’t teach the child a lot about the situation that got them into that time out.

For more information about why time outs do not work, read this really great article from ahaparenting.

This is also a great video on using positive parenting techniques on 2-year-olds specifically. We all know 2 is a particularly interesting age!

5. Strengthen Your Relationships Daily

Every night before I head to bed, I reflect on my day and how my children reacted to me and how I reacted to them that day. If something did not go the way I had wanted it to, I will put it in my planner as an action step to complete the next day with my child.

My child will say things such as I hate you and I wish you didn’t live in the house when I set a boundary that may seem unfair to my child.

Those words cut me deep, I suppose  I am a very sensitive person and it is so hard for me to realize that my child is 5 years old and doesn’t really know what he is saying.

It is now my responsibility to react in a positive way and diffuse this situation. During my daily reflection time, if I believe I could have done better in a situation like this, I try to talk to my child about it the next day. Talking and listening to each other strengthens our bond.

Related: Ways To Spend Quality Time With Your Children

6. In A Situation Where One Child May Be Causing Harm To Another, Set Your Limits But Connect Through Empathy

For example, if my sons are hitting each other, It is a good idea to break up that situation by saying something like Hitting is not allowed in this house, you can tell your brother what you need and how you feel without hitting.

This is a great time to try to connect with your child by spending quality time together. Remember that children need us the most when they are pushing us away.

Related: How To Be A Happier Mom

Positive Parenting And You

To recap, positive parenting creates strong relationships with your children through words of encouragement rather than harsh punishment. Positive parenting creates happier families and helps you raise successful kids. To use the positive parenting approach you start off with regulating your own reactions followed by treating your children how you wish they would treat themselves.

Saying positive words such as YES more than NO and avoiding time outs can really strengthen your relationship.  Setting limits with empathy in roughhousing situations rather than yelling at your children to stop beating each other up will likely help your children to listen and comply with your request due to an understanding/reason of the rule.

What do you think about these positive parenting techniques? Do you think that this is something that you could implement in your family? Let me know why or why not in the comments, I would love to hear about it!

Related: The Best TED Talks For Moms

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36 thoughts on “6 Simple Positive Parenting Techniques To Try Today

  1. Yes! I love your point about emotion regulation. It’s crucial to regualte our own emotions first- if we can’t do it ourselves then how can we expect our children to? Speaking with empathy and using natural consequences rather than punishment are so important in teaching our children effective self-regualtion.

    1. Thank you Elizabeth! I mean, even I am not perfect at regulating my emotions all the time, how can we expect little ones too? Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, it means a lot for my little blog. <3

  2. Wow, these are great tips and I am sure these tips of yours will help a lot of parents to do more of positive way of parenting.

    1. I hear you momma, sometimes my buttons are pushed to the limits too and it can be SO hard to stay cool. But losing it doesnt help anyone, it just makes momma feel horrible for the rest of the day.

  3. Why the Role of a Parent Is So Important to a Child’s Development. … Much research has placed great emphasis on the role parents play in their child’s development. Parents are not only caretakers, but they are instrumental in the development of their child’s social, emotional, cognitive and physical well-being.

  4. I’m using this technique with my son and I must say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t have to constantly fight with him and our conversation flows so well

    1. Awesome! I am SO happy to hear that. Kids need that support, especially when they are so little and just don’t understand life well..they need us to guide them, not push them through it.

  5. I can go with this up to a certain point. I think children need to find their boundaries and if you don’t provide them properly they will keep trying to push. But I do think developing a relationship and trying to be positive is a good thing. I think it really comes down to balance. Not everything can be positive and not everything can be negative. And being honest with your kids is essential I think as well.

    1. That is also true. However, you can “punish” bad behaviour in a positive way. It’s just a mindset change that’s all.

  6. I agree with you so much. Parents should really understand their kids too and have empathy with them in such situations like internet or gadget addiction.

  7. I am agreed with the points you suggested above. As a parent we ought to try be positive. Because kids always learn from our expressions. Our positive attitude will bring positivity in our children.

    1. Yes exactly! And there is just no need to instill fear into our kids..this makes for some dysfunctional adults I figure

  8. Positive Parenting is definitely important! And most importantly, make sure you and the other parent are on the same page. It is extremely difficult when the parents don’t agree and parent a different style.

    1. Totally, everyone has a different parenting style and it is so important to have that conversation with your partner to make sure the poor child isn’t confused.

  9. So I’m not a parent, but I am a teacher and I also live with a family as sort of an aupair. This is incredibly helpful. I agree with not modeling negative behavior. Building relationships with children is definitely key.

  10. Hey, I found this post really helpful. I am going to try your tips and agree we need to be mindful of our actions. Fingers crossed this works!

  11. I try to do most of this stuff. I always tell my daughter why she can’t do certain things. I’ll tell her they’re not safe and then tell her why. I wish I was better at keeping calm and being more patient. these are things I am working on.

  12. SO MANY great ideas and recommendations pertaining to positive parenting. We are forever practicing positive parenting in our home as well and def find that when I fall out of focus and react negatively to my littles behavior, he follows suit.
    Thank you for putting in so much time and insight into this article.❤️

  13. I agree, there is such a huge difference when you use positive parenting skills! I believe it can create a much lasting effect with children in terms of changing their behavior.

  14. Love it! I find I need to use your turning around to take a deep breath and then use the word yes instead of no- you’re example showed what that looks like to still have control instead of giving into everything they want. Keep up the great work!

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